This weekend I had to make a fairly big life decision, needless to say I felt very much like a capital A, Adult. This choice had two sides of my personality battling pretty ferociously, the level-headed, introverted, play it safe Sara versus the extraverted, follow your dreams, artistic Sara (cue Rocky theme music). People always tell you to follow your dreams no matter what, but when that means I am without a safety net to catch me you won’t see me jumping off the cliff. Through this choice, I have come to realize that this dichotomy that exists within my very being has become my biggest obstacle.
I was given two opportunities to pursue this summer, one working full-time, five days a week with a Corporation that I have been employed by part-time for many years. The other, from an arts organization that I have been volunteering with since September, offered three days a week from June to August. For some, this would be a no-brainer decision, I am sure those reading this have already made up their mind, but it became a real moment to reflect on who I am and what path I want to lead. It was a crossroads. The first one I have ever really had to face. Either choice I make pretty well closes the door on the other opportunity.
It came down to two major things.
One, do I play it safe or do I take the risk. Realistically, now is the time to make risks. I am young, I have no dependants, if I fail I can pick myself back up, but that big F is frightening, the almighty Failure. I have been conditioned to dread this concept, the reason so many projects I have started remain unfinished. But you cannot run away from it, you must face the chance that you may fall and trust that you have the strength to pick yourself back up and try again.
The other main point that tipped the scales for me was thinking what making the safe decision would mean. Sure, practical Sara sees a more consistent income for those summer months, but it also means loss. It would mean giving up. That would be my choice, to give up on a degree I spent five years in post-secondary school to achieve. It would mean I wasted all that time and effort. It would mean loosing the extroverted, follow your dreams, artistic part of my being. In the end I couldn’t give up on myself.
I am really excited to start this next step on my journey. I hope to discover new things about me, experience new opportunities, and have fun while I do it. I don’t know what the path has in store for me, but I am looking forward to taking each step with purpose and strength in the knowledge that I did not give into fear.
Thanks for reading 🙂